About Toby
Toby Messer is a psychotherapist who blends practical approaches with deeper understanding. He uses clear, goal-focused methods to help people make changes in their day-to-day lives. Toby draws on eleven years of experience and works from the United Kingdom.
He is registered as NCPS. Toby aims to find what drives behaviour and emotions, then helps people make workable changes now. Sessions tend to be straightforward and solution-minded, while also examining patterns that repeat over time.
Background and approach
He commonly helps with anxiety, stress, depression and relationship difficulties. Phobias are part of his focus areas. Work in the room often mixes thinking-based techniques with more reflective conversation.
That means practical tools such as thought framing and behaviour experiments alongside talking about early patterns and attachment. The combination is used to address problems like low self-esteem, addictions, trauma and agitation. Toby also supports people facing life transitions, grief and career stresses.
He can help with communication and intimacy-related concerns, body image and issues connected to sexual expression including BDSM and kink. He lists ADHD, bipolar and chronic illness among areas he works with. Sessions are offered in English and can be arranged online by people outside the UK.
The tone is collaborative and plain. Toby aims to make therapy feel useful from the first few meetings.
Therapeutic approaches you can access online
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) encourages people to notice difficult thoughts and feelings while committing to values-led actions. It is often useful for anxiety, avoidance and coping with change. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) focuses on identifying unhelpful thinking and testing new behaviours through practical exercises and experiments. CBT is commonly used for anxiety, depression and worry. Attachment-Based Therapy looks at how early relationship patterns affect current connections and communication, helping people understand and shift repeating dynamics.Choosing an approach is a shared process. The therapist will listen to your goals and try methods that suit your needs and preferences. Over a few sessions, Toby will check which techniques feel most helpful and adapt the plan as progress occurs.
Online therapy offers flexibility and several ways to connect. Video calls let you talk face to face and use visual engagement for skills practice. Phone sessions can fit into a busy day or when bandwidth is limited. Live chat and text-based messaging provide short check-ins, written reflections and continuity between sessions. These options make it easier to fit therapy around work, caregiving and travel while using the same therapeutic approaches you would expect in person.
Questions people ask
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What this therapist works with
Most often
- Stress, Anxiety
- Relationship issues
- Grief
Also listed
- Abandonment
- Addictions
- ADHD
- Aging and geriatric issues
- Anger management
- Antisocial personality
- Attachment issues
- BDSM, kink, and alternative sex culture
- Bipolar disorder
- Blended family issues
- Body image
- Cancer
- Career difficulties
- Caregiver issues and stress
- Chronic pain, illness, and disability
- Coaching
- Codependency
- Commitment issues
- Communication problems
- Compassion fatigue
- Control issues
- Coping with life changes
- Coping with natural or human-caused disaster
- Dependent personality
- Depression
- Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder (DMDD)
- Dissociation
- Divorce and separation
- Domestic violence
- Drug and alcohol addiction
- Eating and food-related issues
- Eating disorders
- Emptiness
- Family conflicts
- Family of origin issues
- Family problems
- Fatherhood issues
- Fertility issues
- First responder issues
- Forgiveness
- Gender dysphoria
- Guilt and shame
- Hoarding
- Hospice and end-of-life counseling
- Impulsivity
- Infidelity
- Intimacy-related issues
- Isolation / loneliness
- Jealousy
- LGBT
- Life purpose
- Men's issues
- Midlife crisis
- Money and financial issues
- Mood disorders
- Multicultural concerns
- Narcissism
- Obsessions, compulsions, and OCD
- Panic disorder and panic attacks
- Paranoia
- Parenting issues
- Personality disorders
- Phobias
- Polyamory / non-monogamous relationships
- Post-traumatic stress
- Postpartum depression
- Pregnancy and childbirth
- Process addiction (porn, exercise, gambling)
- Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
- Self esteem
- Self-harm
- Self-love
- Sex addiction
- Sexual assault and abuse
- Sexual dysfunction
- Sexuality
- Sleeping disorders
- Social anxiety and phobia
- Trauma and abuse
- Trichotillomania
- Veteran and Armed Forces Issues
- Workplace issues
- Young adult issues
Therapeutic approaches
- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
- Attachment-Based Therapy
- Client-Centered Therapy
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
- Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
- Existential Therapy
- Jungian Therapy
- Mindfulness Therapy
- Motivational Interviewing
- Psychodynamic Therapy
- Solution-Focused Therapy
- Trauma-Focused Therapy
- Systemic Therapy
- Experience
- 11 years
- Licensed
- Languages
- English
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